life is sometimes no fun at all

I know I'm bad at communication, it might be my biggest fault!
Not much is going on here, I've just had to do nothing but work, work, and work
some more. It isn't really getting busy and it's frustrating because I'm working twice
as hard for half the money. I am moving to Queens, which is one of the bouroughs.
I am excited because I have my own room, but bummed because I'm not in the city.
It's just too expensive for me right now and I'm already struggling, so I didn't want
to pay more then I'm paying now. My rent will go up, but only $16, which is fine because
I'll have privacy and maybe a little of my sanity back. Everything seems to be compounding
right now and it makes it difficult just to live life. I keep telling myself if I can go through
a divorce and come out better then I can do this, but sometimes in the bog it's hard
to keep optomistic. I'm doing better then a couple weeks ago, which is something
to smile about. I want to be really excited about moving, but money keeps getting me
down. Shane lent me the money for the deposit and rent which is sooo nice of him
and I'm so thankful to him for that. It's frustrating that I came up here for a reason, but
can't do it because of monatary reasons. People are willing to help, but it's hard to not
be prideful. No boys right now, I can't imagine having to deal with a relationship at this
time in my life. I'm not looking though. I have fun with my friends, and up here
everything is harder, all my relationships with my friends seem a little harder to deal with.
I still love it here it's just one of those times in life you think will never end. I'm doing
all I can and I have to understand that and realize that's pretty great. I'm still doing the
cable access show, and becoming more involved so that's a little of an outlet. Other
then that not a lot is happening in life. I suppose that's how it goes. I don't see a light
yet but there's the hope and belief in one that's going to keep me going.